Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
