dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
even my farts smell like vagina
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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