Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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