Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
