i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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