Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
