Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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