Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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