Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
