Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
