respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
