Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
