you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
