I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize