I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's paper in my vomit.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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