Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
