how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
