i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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