see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
