No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
