Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
