Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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