my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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