I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
