Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
