3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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