After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
