I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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