Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
