Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
