WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize