All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
