and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
