She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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