Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
