i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize