Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
