I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
