So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
