we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
ttyl tear gas
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
