Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
