I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
