I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
