so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
