He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize