i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i've created a new STD.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
