absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
