It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
