Fuck appropriateness.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize