I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just sucked dick on a ferry
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
