her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
