she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
