Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
