420 ftw
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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