whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
