I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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