cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she peed on how many people?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
