Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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