Sponge bath it is.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
