Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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