Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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