He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
