dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
