at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
