What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
