im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
