Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
