do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
not ubering you a puppy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
