you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
