i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
