In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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