Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
