so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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