I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
