Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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