She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
