So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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