I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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