Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
