You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
