I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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