My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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