Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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